Discussion Post #3!!!

“AIN’T SO / IS NOT”

“After all, learning these more rigorous forms of expression and developing a more intellectual self is a major reason for getting an education.”

                This passage is a conclusion to the discussion on how formal or informal to conduct one’s writing approach. In one instance, it is well-put for use of informal vocabulary, as is commonly accepted in the present day language. In another instance, it is important to use an intellectual vocabulary as to uphold the literature in sense of professionalism. The passage explains that it is best to find a happy medium between the two methods and practice this to the extent that it becomes second-nature. This way, the process becomes a learning experience geared towards enhancing the writer’s abilities, rather than another assignment of the same writing patterns.

“His decision, however, to go with the more adventuresome, colorful terms gives a liveliness to his writing that would have been lacking with the more conventional terms.”

                This passage demonstrates the significance of using an energetic tone in diction to illustrate the purpose of the text. Here, the explanation of this strategy is not focus on what is said – but instead, how it is said. Through several examples we can identify how one piece of literature is impressively stimulating over another simply by re-wording a phrase to include vibrant vocabulary. This passage is important because it reveals a clever means to transform a bland piece into an intriguing read.

EDITING

            Before Editing

In a 2011 advertisement produced by Y&R Paris on behalf of the toothpaste industry, the focus changes to emphasize Colgate products as mainstream accessories. This ad features four characters posing on a modeling set dressed in trendy fashion wear and appeals mostly to a lighter skinned audience of expression-driven consumers. The character’s heads have been replaced by recognizable everyday apparel, defining each with its own unique style. The center and largest character is equipped with a huge smiling mouth containing vibrant healthy teeth. This picture portrays the Colgate product to be that of its own distinguished elegance. The only print at the bottom right of the ad reads, “Make your smile your best accessory.” The effect of a reputable toothpaste brand is obviously presented to the audience as the boldest accessory among all others displayed.

     After Editing

In a 2011 advertisement produced by Y&R Paris, Colgate products are promoted as accessories. This ad features four characters on a modeling set in trendy fashion wear that appeal mostly to lighter skinned consumers. Their heads have been replaced by apparel items, defining each's own unique style. The center character has a huge smiling mouth containing vibrant healthy teeth. This portrays the Colgate product as a distinguished elegance. White print at the bottom of the ad reads, “Make your smile your best accessory.” A recognized toothpaste brand is presented to the audience as the boldest accessory among all.

     Before Editing

Many of the company’s early advertising efforts depict their spokesmen as everyday characters with respectable accomplishments. As in a 1923 example, the toothpaste is presented alongside a brief article about a fictional wrestling coach entitled,“To Be a Champion”. There is a young man pictured in two illustrations included with the ad. In one picture he shows skillful instruction over a pupil’s technique on the wrestling mat that controls an opponent as spectators view from a distance. This gives the audience an impression that the coach is knowledgeable in his expertise and highly capable in controlling an environment of ever-changing circumstances. In the next picture, the young wrestling coach is shown wearing a bathrobe and leaning over a sink presumably at his home washroom. He holds a toothbrush in his right hand resting against the sink, in his left hand held high near his chest is a small tube of Colgate toothpaste. This scene provides a sense of humanity about him and is intended to establish a common link between the man and the ad’s audience. The spokesman achieves respectable work in the wrestling arena, but personally he’s a normal fellow whose hygienic standards are as usual as the rest.

     After Editing

The company’s early ads depict their spokesmen as characters with respectable accomplishments. In a 1923 example, the toothpaste is presented by a brief article about a fictional wrestling coach entitled,“To Be a Champion”. In one picture the male coach shows skillful instruction over a pupil on the wrestling mat. This provides an impression that the coach is highly capable in controlling ever-changing circumstances. In another picture, the coach is wearing a bathrobe and leaning over a sink at his home. He holds a toothbrush in his right hand resting and in his left hand is a small tube of Colgate toothpaste. This emits a sense of humanity and is intended to establish a link between the man and the audience. The spokesman achieves respectable work in the arena, but he’s a fellow whose hygienic standards are as usual as they come.

DISCUSSION

During my editing, I realized that I may have perhaps been using too much informal language. The appeal to my audience from this style of writing suggests that perhaps it is not being taken as much of a factual essay as it is being perceived an opinion piece. This was not the purpose of my Advertising Analysis assignment. The analysis is to be as factual and informative as needed to provide solid evidence behind my arguments and findings concerning the course of Colegate toothpaste's marketing agendas. In my next draft, I will tweak the vocabulary so that my audience is less distracted by the figurative text and more attentive to the central idea.  

How effective was my editing? Feedback is greatly appreciated!