Sung Mi Pyun
Professor Bolaski
English 100
September 10, 2013
On August
26, 2013, an article titled “On August 26, 2013, the article which was
published on Salon.com, “School is a prison—and damaging out kids,” Peter Gray criticizes
that school harms kids by forcing them to learn for long periods. He adds that “most
students—whether A students, C students, or failing ones—have lost their zest
for learning by the time they reach middle school or high school.” His tone is
straight forward and his article is logic and reasonable with logical
researches. In his research, students take compulsory education and school
divides them by students’ grades. By doing so, students do not know what to do for
their future and lost interests in education. The main audience the author
wants to grasp is the schools and parents who force kids to learn unconditionally
without teaching them the joy of education.
1 comment:
Sung,
This doesn't make sense: "On August 26, 2013, an article titled “On August 26, 2013 . . ." The first sentence is a run on and needs some cleaning up. "Criticizes" doesn't work in the context in which you're using it here.
Watch the repetition: "His tone is straight forward and his article is logic and reasonable with logical researches." (I think you mean "logical" . . . and thus you don't need "logical researches". This term doesn't really make sense. Do you mean "research studies"? Something else?
This is coming along, but not yet quite clear: "In his research, students take compulsory education and school divides them by students’ grades. By doing so, students do not know what to do for their future and lost interests in education."
"Grasp" is used incorrectly - "reach", perhaps?
You've got most of the elements here that you need for your intro, but grammar errors are making things a bit confusing.
Ultimately, you need to combine statement of author's main point with the list of strategies in a one or two-sentence statement. The prompt offers several examples of this, as does the handout on crafting your intro.
Hope you find the feedback useful!
Post a Comment