“AIN’T SO / IS NOT”
“After all, learning these more rigorous forms of expression
and developing a more intellectual self is a major reason for getting an
education.”
This
passage is a conclusion to the discussion on how formal or informal to conduct
one’s writing approach. In one instance, it is well-put for use of informal
vocabulary, as is commonly accepted in the present day language. In another instance,
it is important to use an intellectual vocabulary as to uphold the literature
in sense of professionalism. The passage explains that it is best to find a
happy medium between the two methods and practice this to the extent that it
becomes second-nature. This way, the process becomes a learning experience
geared towards enhancing the writer’s abilities, rather than another assignment
of the same writing patterns.
“His decision, however, to go with the more adventuresome,
colorful terms gives a liveliness to his writing that would have been lacking
with the more conventional terms.”
This
passage demonstrates the significance of using an energetic tone in diction to
illustrate the purpose of the text. Here, the explanation of this strategy is
not focus on what is said – but instead, how it is said. Through several
examples we can identify how one piece of literature is impressively stimulating
over another simply by re-wording a phrase to include vibrant vocabulary. This
passage is important because it reveals a clever means to transform a bland
piece into an intriguing read.
EDITING
Before
Editing
In a 2011 advertisement produced by Y&R Paris on behalf
of the toothpaste industry, the focus changes to emphasize Colgate products as
mainstream accessories. This ad features four characters posing on a modeling
set dressed in trendy fashion wear and appeals mostly to a lighter skinned
audience of expression-driven consumers. The character’s heads have been
replaced by recognizable everyday apparel, defining each with its own unique
style. The center and largest character is equipped with a huge smiling mouth
containing vibrant healthy teeth. This picture portrays the Colgate product to
be that of its own distinguished elegance. The only print at the bottom right of
the ad reads, “Make your smile your best accessory.” The effect of a reputable
toothpaste brand is obviously presented to the audience as the boldest
accessory among all others displayed.
After Editing
In a 2011 advertisement produced by Y&R Paris, Colgate
products are promoted as accessories. This ad features four characters on a
modeling set in trendy fashion wear that appeal mostly to lighter skinned
consumers. Their heads have been replaced by apparel items, defining each's own
unique style. The center character has a huge smiling mouth containing vibrant
healthy teeth. This portrays the Colgate product as a distinguished elegance.
White print at the bottom of the ad reads, “Make your smile your best
accessory.” A recognized toothpaste brand is presented to the audience as the
boldest accessory among all.
Before Editing
Many of the company’s early advertising efforts depict their
spokesmen as everyday characters with respectable accomplishments. As in a 1923
example, the toothpaste is presented alongside a brief article about a
fictional wrestling coach entitled,“To Be a Champion”. There is a young man
pictured in two illustrations included with the ad. In one picture he shows
skillful instruction over a pupil’s technique on the wrestling mat that
controls an opponent as spectators view from a distance. This gives the
audience an impression that the coach is knowledgeable in his expertise and
highly capable in controlling an environment of ever-changing circumstances. In
the next picture, the young wrestling coach is shown wearing a bathrobe and
leaning over a sink presumably at his home washroom. He holds a toothbrush in
his right hand resting against the sink, in his left hand held high near his
chest is a small tube of Colgate toothpaste. This scene provides a sense of
humanity about him and is intended to establish a common link between the man
and the ad’s audience. The spokesman achieves respectable work in the wrestling
arena, but personally he’s a normal fellow whose hygienic standards are as
usual as the rest.
After Editing
The company’s early ads depict their spokesmen as characters
with respectable accomplishments. In a 1923 example, the toothpaste is
presented by a brief article about a fictional wrestling coach entitled,“To Be
a Champion”. In one picture the male coach shows skillful instruction over a
pupil on the wrestling mat. This provides an impression that the coach is
highly capable in controlling ever-changing circumstances. In another picture,
the coach is wearing a bathrobe and leaning over a sink at his home. He holds a
toothbrush in his right hand resting and in his left hand is a small tube of
Colgate toothpaste. This emits a sense of humanity and is intended to establish
a link between the man and the audience. The spokesman achieves respectable
work in the arena, but he’s a fellow whose hygienic standards are as usual as
they come.
DISCUSSION
During my editing, I realized that I may have perhaps been using too much informal language. The appeal to my audience from this style of writing suggests that perhaps it is not being taken as much of a factual essay as it is being perceived an opinion piece. This was not the purpose of my Advertising Analysis assignment. The analysis is to be as factual and informative as needed to provide solid evidence behind my arguments and findings concerning the course of Colegate toothpaste's marketing agendas. In my next draft, I will tweak the vocabulary so that my audience is less distracted by the figurative text and more attentive to the central idea.
How effective was my editing? Feedback is greatly appreciated!
