Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Blog post 2
Who knew one tweet could strike up such a huge outrage! In the article " Dr. Phil lets talk about sex" written by Tracy Clark on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013. Published on salon.com. What was intended to be turned into a discussion turned into this author giving her personal view point on this trying o persuade the audience to reading more into more than what the question was about. The author is showing her true ethics in this article by saying if Dr. Phil would have said "woman" instead of girl it would of been a completely different story. The audience is missing the main point of this tweet, it was a true question is it okay!
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2 comments:
Hi Maryssa,
When reading your thesis, I noticed a few things...
1) Things need to be capitalized. Such as the title of the article.
"Dr. Phil lets talk about sex"
2)"Wednesday, August 21st, 2013. Published on salon.com." Maybe instead of putting a period after 2013, do a comma and combine the two sentences together.
You might say: "The article was posted on salon.com, Wednesday August 21st, 2013."
This is just a rough idea, you don't need to use it :)
Other than that, just remember to use punctuation throughout your thesis. I noticed areas where it needed commas and other things. :)
Hope this helps!!
Hi Maryssa,
I agree with Rachele on these suggestions - thanks for contributing, Rachele!
These sentences are fragments (" In the article " Dr. Phil lets talk about sex" written by Tracy Clark on Wednesday, August 21st, 2013. Published on salon.com") and combining them will fix the errors
Your first sentence needs a question mark rather than an exclamation point.
I'm not quite sure what you mean here: "What was intended to be turned into a discussion turned into this author giving her personal view point on this trying o persuade the audience to reading more into more than what the question was about."
The sentences aren't clear, but this sounds fairly opinionated. For instance, why wouldn't/shouldn't the writer provide her opinion? She writes an opinion column. Opinion pieces are built upon writers providing opinions. Avoid judging the author's choices or intentions - you want to analyze them.
This, too, suggests opinion rather than analysis: "The author is showing her true ethics in this article by saying if Dr. Phil would have said "woman" instead of girl it would of been a completely different story." I'm not sure what you mean by "showing her true ethics", but here's an example of an analytical statement: "Clark-Flory takes on Dr. Phil's diction, suggesting that his choice of "girl" rather than "woman" demeans women by infantilizing them." Do you see the difference?
You write, "The audience is missing the main point of this tweet, it was a true question is it okay!" to conclude. Again, it's not up to the writer of the rhetorical analysis to make judgments or personally evaluate the choices the writer makes. A number of examples are posted on Blackboard; I'd definitely suggest taking a look at Roxy's paper (good example of objective analysis.)
It's tough to stay away from opinion when you feel strongly about something, I know. But this paper isn't the place to do it. You'll have opportunities in the next few, I promise.
Meanwhile, you'll want to use the handout on the intro, voice lecture, and examples on the prompt to craft an intro that fits the requirements for the paper. You don't yet have a thesis; the prompt explains exactly what needs to be in it (concise paraphrase of author's main point + list of strategies).
I hope the feedback helps!
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