Lynnel Navarro
Professor Amy Bolaski
English 100
11 Sept 2013
America's "Culture of Violence"
Rhetorical Analysis
In Justin Peter's published article on "Don't trust the research saying video games cause real-world
aggression", he creates a argumentative and persuasive article referring to the NRA's Wayne Lapierre
comparing movies and video games to aggression in society and association with the school shootings.
Having armed security in schools comes out a little over the top and expensive, as stated in the article. The
author makes a strong point on how he feels about the influence from movies and video games. The author
receives facts to support his opinion from research supporting the theory that violent videos games prompt
real-life violence from a Psychology lab at IOWA state University. He used multiple researchers to argue
the facts of the link to video games and real world aggression. Wayne Lapierre of the NRA( The National
Rifle Association) argues at first with support of the link from the incident that occurred Dec 14, 2012, when
a young man named Adam Laza fatally shot twenty children and 6 adults in a mass murder and says its
because Adam was very fond of violent video games prior to the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary
school. I feel the author supports gun control but associating real-world violence with video games is
ignoring the fact that there is violence and aggression with or without video games.
1 comment:
Hi Lynnel,
Not sure what's going on with the spacing here, but if you're hitting 'return' at the end of a line, it might be the issue. :)
You write, "In Justin Peter's published article on "Don't trust the research saying video games cause real-world aggression", he creates a argumentative and persuasive article referring to the NRA's Wayne Lapierre comparing movies and video games to aggression in society and association with the school shootings. . . ." Watch the redundancy/wordiness as it will make your sentences clunky.
For instance, you called it an article, then go on to say he "creates . . . an article." You don't need "argumentative" and "persuasive" (they mean roughly the same thing).
Try something like, "In Justin Peter's article "Don't trust the research saying video games cause real-world aggression", he argues X about the NBA's Wayne Lapierre." Just clearly identify what, exactly, he argues. Then try a second sentence: "He compares movies and video games to aggression in society and association with the school shootings."
When you write, "Having armed security in schools comes out a little over the top and expensive, as stated in the article" early on", your readers won't necessarily know what's going on. Before trying to articulate argument, provide a basic, clear summary of the text.
As you already mentioned his comparisons, this sentence could be cut "The author
receives facts to support his opinion from research supporting the theory that violent videos . . ." you've already stated something similar.
You write, "The author receives facts to support his opinion from research supporting the theory that violent videos games prompt real-life violence from a Psychology lab at IOWA state University." I get your point, but the sentence is clunky because of wordiness and elements out of place. Look at what you can cut: "Peter supports his own research using outside research from IOWA's psychology department to argue that violent video games do prompt real-life violence."
Similarly, this sentence can be cut as you've just stated the same thing above: " He used multiple researchers to argue the facts of the link to video games and real world aggression"
Make sure you avoid all first person statements/opinion: "I feel the author supports gun control but associating real-world violence with video games is ignoring the fact that there is violence and aggression with or without video games." You can't use opinion in a rhetorical analysis; your goal is to articulate the AUTHOR's point of view (not whether or not you agree with it).
As is, I don't see a clear thesis that states the author's main point and concisely lists the strategies the paper will highlight. The prompt and sample papers, as well as the handout on your intro, contain templates you can use.
You may well end up using most of what you have here in the paper, but you've got too much going on - I think you're trying to handle too many things and as a result, the info presented is jumbled and lacks cohesion.
I hope the feedback helps -- remember that you have plenty of time to revise, and we'll be talking about revision strategies soon.
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