Nicole Jones
Professor Bolaski
English 100
11 September 2013
On
August 28th 2013 William Saletan’s article Better Safe Than Syria, succors Slate.com readers as Saletan
examines the United States previous lack of force in Kuwait, Kosovo, and Libya.
Saletan advises Americans through cause and effect, emotional appeal,
euphemism, and syllogism that fighting from a distance with desultory
intentions will free Americans from bearing the death of their soldiers only at
the cost of hundreds of thousands of Syrian lives who will incur Assad’s wrath.
It is no doubt that the American resolve to defend Syrian civilians is dissolving
at the thought of war and causalities, that is why Saletan informs readers to
act fast and hard or do nothing at all.
3 comments:
Hi, Nicole,
Better Safe Than Syria - make sure you put titles in quotes.
This verb - succors -- doesn't work in this context. Unless I'm misreading it.
United States - make a possessive
You write, "Saletan advises Americans through cause and effect, emotional appeal, euphemism, and syllogism that fighting from a distance with desultory intentions will free Americans from bearing the death of their soldiers only at the cost of hundreds of thousands of Syrian lives who will incur Assad’s wrath". On the whole, this is well put, but you've got a lot to digest in one sentence. Consider using a parenthetical aside beginning with "only" or using two sentences here.
I like that you're focusing on syllogism and euphemism -- I see very few students focus on these strategies, so I'm looking forward to seeing how you develop this.
You write, "It is no doubt that the American resolve to defend Syrian civilians is dissolving at the thought of war and causalities, that is why Saletan informs readers to act fast and hard or do nothing at all."
You're obviously an accomplished writer, so I'll point out some subtle improvements you might make. Try to avoid the passive voice ("it is no doubt that"); try something like, "Certainly the American resolve to defend Syrian civilians is dissolving . . ."
This is coming along really well, Nicole.
I am sorry I did not see your comment before I submitted my paper.
Nicole
Nicole,
Please don't apologize. You've got plenty of time to revise, so you can implement suggestions whenever you begin working on that revision.
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