Ben
Ossenfort
Professor
Amy Bolaski
English
100
6
September 2013
Rhetorical Analysis
In
Peter Gray’s article School
Is a Prison, he points out
the flaws in the current education system and explains why an unconventional
approach to education is more beneficial to both children and society. This article was presented to readers of
Salon.com on August 26, 2013. Targeted to parents and educators, Gray, a
research professor of psychology at Boston University, uses examples and data
collected via research to make his compelling case that self-directed students
contribute most to society.
The
author admits that parents send their kids to school with the best intentions,
“believing that’s what they need to become productive and happy adults.”
However, even parents who believe the above, question the performance and
quality of the school system, according to Professor Gray. Instead of using
more money, better teachers, and more rigorous tests as part of the solution,
Gray suggests that the nature of educational institutions is failing children
and society. In his article, he states that school is a place where children are
forced to go and where freedom is heavily restricted to them.
1 comment:
Hi Ben,
Use quotes rather than italics for the title (MLA).
You write, "In Peter Gray’s article School Is a Prison, he points out the flaws in the current education system and explains why an unconventional approach to education is more beneficial to both children and society." Very well put here.
The syntax here: "Targeted to parents and educators, Gray" suggests Gray himself is targeted to the audience (misplaced modifier). Otherwise, great sentence.
When you write, "The author admits that parents send their kids to school with the best intentions," you're actually highlighting an author doing what we call "anticipating objections and offering a concession". You might point this out.
Look at syntax here, too: "Instead of using more money, better teachers, and more rigorous tests as part of the solution, Gray suggests that the nature of educational institutions is failing children and society." As written, the sentence actually says GRAY suggests this instead of "using more money . . ." etc.
Obviously, you don't mean that Gray himself is doing something other than using more money, etc. etc. but the sentence says as much.
"where freedom is heavily restricted to them" . . . should be "where their freedom is heavily restricted"
You're very clear here: " Appealing to reasonable logic, Gray uses studies to suggest that children learn best in environments opposite to what can be found in schools." You need to deal with more than just logic/studies -- consider developing another strategy or two.
This looks great - as the content is very strong, I've chosen to comment on subtleties. (This is a good thing!) :)
Post a Comment