For my model review, I chose “A
New Touch for iPhone” by Walter S. Mossberg. This review appeared on The
Wall Street Journal’s website on September 18, 2013. This review captured my
attention with its organization, simplicity, and the fact that it’s written by
Mr. Mossberg.
Historically, Mossberg reviews products and services with
the same criteria I examine and often comes to similar conclusions that I come
to. Recognizing this makes it relatively easy for me to read a review by
Mossberg and determine if I can confidently invest in the reviewed subject or
not.
In Mossberg’s piece on Apple’s recently released iPhone 5S,
he explains new features in a way that makes it easy for readers with limited
technical knowledge to understand. The author clearly outlines the points he
will review and then proceeds to discuss them in more detail. Mr. Mossberg
fluidly navigates through his content – thoughts and paragraphs flow from one
into the next.
I believe there are a couple key elements that make this an
effective review. The first of these elements is Walter Mossberg’s ability to
connect with his readers. He makes this connection through employing his
sentence, “It sounds like a gimmick, but it's a real advance, the biggest step
ever in biometric authentication for everyday devices.” In this, he recognizes
that some might think this Touch ID is just a gimmick and nothing actually
functional or desirable, and thus connects with the more pessimistic of his
audience. Mossberg also provides clear and easy to understand explanations and
examples of certain technical items. This allows him to connect with the less
technically-savvy of his readership.
I also feel that his organization of the review lends to the
effectiveness of the piece. The author constructs his review in such a way that
takes advantage of simple data – data that is concise, easy to read, and easy
to digest. Clear organization of writing paired with simple data allow readers to
easily obtain the information they want without having to hunt for it. This can
save the reader time and frustration, therefore automatically increasing the effectiveness
of the review.
Here is the intro for my critical review:
Ben Ossenfort
Professor Bolaski
English 100 (1459)
October 8, 2013
Every year since 2007, Apple has previewed and released a
shiny new update of iOS, its advanced mobile operating system running on more
than 450-million iPhone, iPod Touch, and iPad units. In the past, updates to
iOS have been relatively minor. Sure, some updates added much desired features
such as the ability to send picture messages, multitask, and attach pictures to
email messages. But no update fundamentally changed the way users see or
interact with the operating system. That was until Apple unveiled its latest iteration,
iOS 7.
3 comments:
Hello Ben,
I enjoyed reading your intro. I like how your template matches the review that you picked in a very simple and organized way to read. Also enjoyed the data you used about the new IOS update. Your ending sentence, "That was until Apple unveiled its latest iteration, iOS 7" is a good hook for the readers because even if I want nothing to do with this new update it keeps me guessing and I will hang around for the next paragraph.
I really enjoyed your intro! Your last sentence was an brilliant hook into your review! I can't wait to see what you're entire review will look like!
Hi Ben,
I think this is great: "Historically, Mossberg reviews products and services with the same criteria I examine and often comes to similar conclusions that I come to. Recognizing this makes it relatively easy for me to read a review by Mossberg and determine if I can confidently invest in the reviewed subject or not." I, too, have a few favorite reviewers.
You suggest that Mossberg writes in layman's terms -- are you planning to do the same? Will you be addressing an audience that's NOT tech-savvy?
You write, "I believe there are a couple key elements that make this an effective review. The first of these elements is Walter Mossberg’s ability to connect with his readers." Connection with readers = huge in terms of success. Very good focal point as you draft.
You write, "Mossberg also provides clear and easy to understand explanations and examples of certain technical items. This allows him to connect with the less technically-savvy of his readership." But the quote you use contains the term "biometric authentication" and doesn't, at least as you excerpt it here, define the term. Consider whether this is the sort of jargon you will or won't define for your target audience.
What do you mean by "simple data"?
***I agree with Jake and Kailyn - the intro is very strong. You do a remarkable job of very succinctly clarifying the main difference between this and previous updates while simultaneously "hooking" your readers (and I like that you've grouped all previous updates together to contrast with this newest one). Your organization of ideas here is a strong feature. I don't really have any suggestions (which is very unusual!) aside from this: name the date the update was released in your last sentence.
Carry on!
A
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