2. The introduction of this
persons review is extremely catchy, so I found myself drawn into reading more
of it. His tone makes it seem like he is
talking to you rather than a wide spectrum of people, so it makes the review
inviting. He made this review engaging
to the reader, by saying such things as: “Hold on. I'm sorry, before…”. Not only does the topic draw me to this
piece, but the way the author uses his tone and actually engages the reader to
his review- is what made me choose it.
The elements that I find effective are his style, approach to the topic,
tone and again the way it feels like he’s talking to you rather than a huge
audience.
3. Google Glasses was
an idea that somebody came up with and must of thought, “This would be pretty
cool if instead of going on a web-browser, I just wear these glasses and be
able to do a bunch of fancy stuff with it.”
Which is exactly what Google did, making this product one of the intimidating
and yet thrilling products to wear.
Co-Founder Sergey Brin defiantly lathers all of the upmost technology
into these tiny little glasses; though, probably not one of the most attractive
glasses you will ever wear, but who cares!
These glasses can perform a variety of tasks, from recording footage,
Skyping with your bff. But let’s say you’re
having a job interview, and the interviewer just happens to be wearing these
glasses, who knows what kind of activities they may be having there glasses
perform. They could possibly be
recording you, searching different kinds of information about you, the list goes
on….
4 comments:
Hello Rachel,
Well, you did what you liked about your template. I too felt as if this was a very comfortable conversation that I could jump right in to. I like how your recommendation is subtle as I think you will go on to be positive about the article. You said, "though probably not one of the most attractive glasses you will ever wear, but who cares!" this tells me these glasses must be able to do some amazing things if the appearance is lacking. I would like a little more detail in the intro about how they look, or exactly what they can do? Is it just for Google, or is it like a computer that you are wearing as glasses?
Hi Rachel,
I agree with Jake that you did what you liked about your template. Your intro read conversationally to me and that helped to capture my attention. I like how you pose the scenario of being in a job interview and not knowing what kinds of tasks your interviewer could be doing with the glasses. That got me thinking about the variety of things people could do with such technology in everyday situations and the risks to privacy and information security it could impose.
Cheers!
-Ben
Hi Rachele,
I read the intro of the review you had chosen for your template. I really liked how you used the first sentence's concept and incorporated a product even though it was originally a movie. It really catches your attention! Great job!
Hi Rachele,
Rachele,
I read the review you chose and agree -- I love this transition and the approach in general: "Hold on. I'm sorry, before taking this thoroughly professional but mostly uninspired movie apart, let's back up for a second and look at that last phrase: "oral history of a zombie apocalypse." In terms of this being inviting, I think it's a mix of a few things, one of those being the combination/overlapping of professional and sophisticated prose with colloquial, casual (but intimate) diction. Good observation.
***Someone chose a review from the same writer, only the review is on "Gravity". Seems this guy is a favorite - and a good writer.
YOUR INTRO: " Google Glasses was an idea that somebody came up with and must of thought, “This would be pretty cool if instead of going on a web-browser, I just wear these glasses and be able to do a bunch of fancy stuff with it.” Which is exactly what Google did, making this product one of the intimidating and yet thrilling products to wear. Co-Founder Sergey Brin defiantly lathers all of the upmost technology into these tiny little glasses; though, probably not one of the most attractive glasses you will ever wear, but who cares! These glasses can perform a variety of tasks, from recording footage, Skyping with your bff. But let’s say you’re having a job interview, and the interviewer just happens to be wearing these glasses, who knows what kind of activities they may be having there glasses perform. They could possibly be recording you, searching different kinds of information about you, the list goes on…
I, too, like how you adapted the approach to a film to make it work for a product.The casual language and tone works, but this, grammatically, is off: “I just wear these glasses and be able to do a bunch of fancy stuff with it” (partially because “glasses” can’t be represented with the pronoun “it”). These choices need a bit of revision: “upmost” and “lathers” – how can technology be “lathered”? Then, “one of the most attractive glasses” . . . “glasses” is plural and thus doesn’t work with “one” . . . basically, you have some problems with noun/pronoun/verb agreement that make the prose awkward. These are minor, easily fixable problems, though. “Let’s say” sentence appears to be a question but isn’t punctuated as such?
Carry on. :) Interested to see how this develops. Just work on refining at the sentence level.
A
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