I need help making this better if i need to change anything let me know i'll appreciate it.
In the article " Mitt Romney's Immigration Gap Highlighted by Supreme Court Arizona Ruling," Mark McKinnon argues that not only does the new immigration law affect the immigration community but also the candidate running for President Mitt Romney and his battle against Barack Obama. McKinnon uses pathos, imagery, and setting to help people understand the issue better.
3 comments:
Hi Stephanie,
The sentence is really clear on the whole given its length. Impressive.
President doesn't need to be capitalized in this context. In fact, I don't think you need "running for President" at all as this is common knowledge (burden is on the reader here, not the writer, in terms of identification).
"The new immigration law not only affects the immigration community . . ." is a bit more fluid here.
"and his battle against Barack Obama" feels sort of tacked on at the end. Maybe a second sentence, or a semi-colon after "Romney" followed by a full sentence?
"help people understand the issue better" COULD be more precise, a bit more sophisticated, but it's definitely clear.
This is coming along well; these are just suggestions for polishing.
I know this sounds stupid but the title of the article (the one your doing your piece on) rolls off the tongue kinda odd. Maybe flip-flop the title and the writers stance? Regardless the first sentence is SOLID. The second sentence could be a little more colorful...kinda sounds a little meh right now, but it is very precise and informative. Way better than mine :)
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