Friday, July 6, 2012
Thesis Statement (Blog Post 3)
I would appreciate any help/ suggestions on how to make it sound better.
Thank you!
Not much, but here is what I have so far:
In her article "How America Is Dumbing Down the Next Generation," Jacqueline Leo argues that with the latest technological advances, no longer do we have to acquire certain skills. Because of these advancements, cars can now parallel park while one simply sits back, and dishwashers can even talk. What would growing up be like for a child in this generation? She brings up this subject with lots of sarcasm, description, and irony.
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1 comment:
Kristyn,
(Most of what I'm going to point out is relatively minor though it looks like a lot. As a whole, this is certainly on the right track.)
Comma after "that" in the first sentence. "No longer do we have" reads awkwardly. You probably wouldn't say this verbally in such a way -- it's much more natural to say "we no longer have . . ." The question feels a bit off; it either needs a small transition going into it or it needs to be excised. If Leo asks this question (even if it's just implied by the article as a whole and not an explicit question), attach her to it so it doesn't read as though you, rather than Leo, are doing the wondering. (i.e., Leo asks what . . ." Lastly, "brings up this subject" is awkward. I've posted a handout/link in BB on strong action verbs; a quick look at this might be helpful here.
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