Ok guys this is what I have so far so please let me know if this looks or even sounds like what we are supposed to be doing!!!!
David Frum argues that insulting or discriminating against the elderly since they have the tendency to vote in their favor, will soon degrade the future of our youth unless we change something and soon. David uses imagery, repetition, and statistics to convey his message throughout his article.
2 comments:
Very efficient. You summarized the article very well.
Janine,
You write, "David Frum argues that insulting or discriminating against the elderly since they have the tendency to vote in their favor, will soon degrade the future of our youth unless we change something and soon. David uses imagery, repetition, and statistics to convey his message throughout his article."
This phrase is unclear because of pronoun usage: "since they have the tendency to vote in their favor"; this suggests the elderly vote in their own favor. This is confusing. The relationship between parts of the sentence is a little unclear. As it's set up, the thesis suggests our youth will be "degraded" BECAUSE "they vote in their favor". Basically, cause and effect, given placement of the "since" phrase, is confusing. I think you need to clarify the "they/their favor" issue, then work on the ordering of phrases.
This second part: "David uses imagery, repetition, and statistics to convey his message throughout his article" is very straight forward and clear. (Refer to the author by his last, not first name.) You could cut "throughout his article" as it's already implied and doesn't add anything to the sentence (it's one of those wordy phrases that often appears in these kinds of papers, but it's pretty clear from the intro on that you'll be referring to something being said "in the article", so you can trim any such phrases).
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