SENTENCE EDITING BLOG (5) DUE 11/03

SENTENCES TO EDIT

REDUNDANCY/REPETITION

1.  By her arguing that cars and houses are smart she means the technology they carry make them be capable of so much. For example, “We don’t need to read maps; we get our geography by an officious sounding person who lives in a little window in our dashboard.” This quote demonstrates her humorous tone by implying that there is someone living in our car that knows how to get us around.

2.  This piece truly appears to be a well thought out persuasive spin of the film persuading the reader to believe that the movie borders on being pornographic with the choice of words and quotes used in this write-up.

3.  The author inserts that quote in his article in order to see what Henry are really feelings for New York, and the answer is that enjoying his life in this city.

4.  The author used that quote to prove us that it was Henrys choice to come play in New York.

PASSIVE VOICE

1.  In a recent blog entry of hers for the Huffington Post a good argument is raised on whether we are or are not setting up our children for failure by raising them in a world over saturated with technology.

2.  The counter-argument, or concession, is stated in order to provide the possibility that infidelity can ultimately ruin a relationship as well.

3.  After reading some of the comments that the readership made about “Targeting..”, it can be assumed that the range in age and have an even wider range of moral standpoints.

 WORDINESS

1.  Or are they the pebble that starts a landslide of us being dependent on technology that will one day land us in a hover chair and having machines cater to our every need, like in “Pixar’s “WALL-E”?

2.  The article written by Andrew O’Hehir is about the film, “Breaking Dawn Part 1”, the fourth film of the “Twilight Saga”.

3.  Infidelity in this article is held as not just an affair, but as the point at which couples begin to put the broken pieces together in their relationship and make it something whole.

4.  This unconventional choice are coming from the belief that parents want their children not to be stressed out from an undue burden but to do whatever they are really interested in.

Blog #4: Thesis

In a nation weary of fighting wars on two fronts in Iraq and Afghanistan, it is not surprising that many Americans cannot articulate the reason we celebrate November 11th. According to Leon Kass, writing for the Weekly Standard, we need a national discourse on the significance of Veterans Day that "honors" rather than "victimizes" our veterans.

Blog #4 - intro/thesis

Before taking a stand, or lack thereof, on mass immigration into the United States, understanding the true affects immigrants pose on society is a must. “Don’t Shut the Golden Door” written by John M. MacDonald and Robert J. Sampson is an article that was posted in the New York Times in June  2012, just a couple months away from the November presidential election. The golden door refers to the boundary of our country, the surrounding border, in which millions of people have crossed during the past century, in search of the ever so popular “American Dream”. This article holds an overwhelming sense of authorial intent, subtle at times, intended to convince voters to vote a certain way; included with the appeal of many logos and pathos forms, the writers take a blunt stance and effectively aim towards your head (logic) and your heart (emotion).

BLOG # 4-showed you in class

            intro:  Society depends far too much on technology to get tasks done. We don’t have to remember to pay bills, or asks questions because we have cell phones, apps and computers to automatically do it for us. In the article “ How America is Dumbing Down the Next Generation” by Jacqueline Leo, the author argues that technology has replaced learning, thinking, and people are having less things to do. Leo uses figurative language, structure, and humorous tone to address her point.  

 1 body:The writer’s humorous tone helps her sound somewhat demanding. By her arguing that cars and houses are smart she means the technology they carry make them be capable of so much. For example, “ We don’t need to read maps; we get our geography by an officious sounding person who lives in a little window in our dashboard.” This quote demonstrates her humorous tone by implying that there is someone living in our car that knows how to get us around. She continues to use her tone by commenting to how there might be a robotic car coming soon. Leo makes a laugh of her comment,” the only decision well have to make—should we sit in the front seat and pretend were driving or in the back seat and pretend we have a chauffeur?” Her use of such comments makes it seem kind of ridiculous how we are not taking control of our lives and letting robotic high tech cars do it for us. Even though her writing is humorous she controls her points by making some serious remarks on how we are depending too much with our technological devices. The use of this strategy implies Leo’s mood and way she thinks of technology and how we are dealing with it.

Blog Post #4

Mark Mckinnon author of "Mitt Romney’s Immigration Gap Highlighted by Supreme Court Arizona Ruling", from the Daily Beast through statements, facts, and logical arguments states Mitt Romney is in trouble when trying to issue immigration policies. Mckinnon shapes the idea that Obama has the support of many Hispanics because he is stopping the deportation of many immigrants (The Dream Act).  But he says that neither has really stated what they’re really going to do in the aspects of the immigration reforms, which means either Obama or Romney can triump. The overall question Mckinnon is trying to get across is that if we’d rather be a prosperous economical U.S. that attracts immigrants or a zero immigration country with no economic growth.

thesis statement

In today's culture we're so used to casual sex, texts instead of a knock at the door, and walk-ins versus reservations on dates; though every once in awhile you get someone who puts in effort and defies what is "normal" now in courtship. Using appeal to ethos, logical counterpoints, and her own personal anecdotes, Tracy Clark-Flory of Salon.com suggests that although these gestures are appreciated, they can be off-putting for what today's 20-somethings are accustomed to.


http://www.salon.com/2012/10/07/flowers_for_me/

Blog 4 thesis statement

Calem Cowell

Are you dumb? Are your kids going to be even dumber? If you’re like a good 80 percent of America Jacqueline Leo (Editor in Chief, The Fiscal Times) sure thinks that’s a distinct possibility.  In recent blog entry of hers for the Huffington Post a good argument is raised on whether we are or are-not setting up our children for failure by having them raised in a world over saturated with technology.  Not the kind of technology in the form of major scientific breakthroughs like cold fusion or planning a colony on Mars. But the small forms of technology that use every day and make our lives “easier” and “stress free”

blog #4 Thesis

Clark-Flory gives an optimistic, hopeful perspective for couples faced with the issue of infidelity using symbolism, appeal to authority, concession to the alternate outcomes of cheating, and appeal to all three logos, pathos, and ethos throughout her piece.

Blog #4

Katha Pollitt argues that, “rejecting evolution expresses more than an inability to think critically; it relies on a fundamentally paranoid worldview.” She states the fact that many college graduates are grossly misinformed and misunderstand the theory of evolution. She goes on to say that many people are more inclined to believe in creationism than to believe in evolution. 

Blog # 4 Targetting 'Slutty Students' Students

        On June 8th, 2012 Jessica Valenti put out the website article Targeting 'Slutty' Students expressing her feelings toward dress code violations at high schools but more focused on the judgemental insults being sent out by the New York Stuyvesant High School's principal. Student's from this high school had a weekly protest where students would do their best to break the dress code. Why should someone be able to tell you what to wear? Part of life is having incentives to make certain decisions, and wearing what you choose to wear is a form of expression; everybody should be individual. This reflective piece of writing provides a different view point towards unneeded judgement. Jessica uses appeal to logos, characterization, and imagery to lay her viewpoint on the table.
-Brent Hyden

#4 Blog. Rhetorical Analysis

                                         Unschooling Schools Kids

  
 When surfing websites, you might see diverse of advertisements about homeschooling which happen out of school. Is there any reasons that students are not satisfied with regular lectures in school which make students sleeping or being distracted from any kinds of activities during school time? In thedailybeast.com published an article in Jan 30, 2012 about the reason why homeschooling has been rising and what makes it possible. This unconventional choice are coming from the belief that parents want their children not to be stressed out from an undue burden and to do whatever they are really interested. Linda Perlstein, however, argues in “Why Urban, Educated Parents Are Turning to DIY Education” that the perspectives of homeschooling in these days are positive but still need to be reassessed. While she generally wrote the positive aspects of arising trend of homeschooling through ethos and allusion, she posed predictable limits by using of contrast and symbol.

Blog #4 Thesis

"The Nation" blogger, Jessica Valenti, argues in "Targeting 'Slutty' Students", that the selective enforcement of high school dress codes against young women sends and efficacious message that they way they dress objectifies and sexualizes them. Valenti convincingly expresses her feminist viewpoints using appeals to ethos and pathos, imagery and a call to action.

Blog #4 Don’t Shut the Golden Door

We all like look and point out the bad things about people, like how they dress, how they act, the language they talk. We know about the things we do to them, like separating their family by deporting them. By now you could guess what we are trying to talk about, yes it is immigration again people that come to the United states looking for a chance or as you my call it "The American Dream". With so many people trying to achieve this goal it becomes harder for many and easier for some. Some of the benefits from the illegal community that are briefly addressed in this article.

thesis blog 4, schools slutty mistake

Only god can judge me! If only that were true, the truth is passing judgment is what humans are really good at. Whether it’s the color of your skin, your sex, or beliefs; for students in New York’s Stuyvesant High School, it’s all about how you look. The Nation’s Jessica Valenti, took a look into New York’s Stuyvesant High School dress code that is pinning their female students to not only the schools written rules and regulations, but imposing the staff’s personal interpretation or preference’s upon the students appearance. She uses imagery, an appeal to ethos, and a biased tone to deliver her message on how objectification of female students individual shape, sizes, and variation of their bodies effects the way clothing fits on them.

Blog #4

Part of our role in any functioning society is to whittle each other down in to generalized groups based on our most minute preferences and enjoyments. In David M. Halperin's pleasingly twisted article for the New York Times Opinion Pages, Normal As Folk, the concept of Gay Culture is addressed with a refreshing air of humor and bluntly presented facts. Halperin sets his readers up with several questions that more meaningfully and accurately examine the issues of Gay Culture in America, and frames a space in which his audience can meditate upon its place, or lack thereof, in society. These concepts are asserted with several rhetorical pillars including; diction, exagurated description of gay culture, an appeal to logos, and a distinct contrast between "new gays" and "old gays".

Blog Post #4 Rhetorical analysis

The article written by Andrew O'Hehir is about the film, Breaking Dawn Part1,  the fourth film of the Twilight Saga. In the begining of the article, Edward Cullen,(a vampire) asks his human bride Bella Swan, "How badly are you hurt?" on the morning after their wedding night. O'Hehir  uses phrases and quotes like this leading the readers to believe that the film borders on being a pornographic movie. Just by his opening quote alone  he implies that Edward and Bella had rough sex on their first night together. O'Hehir captures his readers attention when he describes, "Edwards superhuman and inhuman strength has left Bella's arms and torso covered with bruises and infamously, has shattered the headboard above their bed". The article continues with these kinds of sexual innuendos. The writer's characterization of the main characters and the film itself is not at all flattering. I found the article hard to understand. The vocabulary and articulations used in the article is intended for an audience  with an extensive vocabulary or higher level of education. All in all, the article is a very persuasive one guiding his readers to believe that this film is a soft porn film.

Blog #4 Ismail

Chraibi Ismail

Amy Bolaski

English 100

10/10/2012

Rhetorical Analysis

Football, Basketball those are the sports that attract the most the Americans. However Thierry Henry One of the best soccer striker of the world has decided to join The New York Red bull soccer team. The peace of writing carrying the title “Henry relishes the New in New York” is an article written by Sam Borden that appears on July 15^th 2012 in the NY times. This article is dealing with Henry’s childhood, career and mostly about his interest in America and more precisely with New York. By reading this article we learn that Henry was a big fan of New York City from his childhood and he knew that one day he will be a New York citizen. The French striker joined the New York team on july 2010, and he says that he feel very happy in this city and of the the reason is that he can be riding his bicycle and no one will recognize him as well as if he want to go out with his daughter, they will be no media invasion which was not the case while he was playing in Arsenal or in Barcelona.  Henry’s love for New York is appropriate with his love for food.  He loves to the diversity of food that this city offers.. In this article, the authors main point is about, Thierry henry that is enjoying his new life in New York. The author demonstrates this by using some rhetorical strategies such as Emotion, description, Examples and finally direct quote.

BLOG 4 DUE BY TUESDAY, OCT 9TH

This assignment will benefit you far more if you do it in the next few days, in time to get feedback on these elements so that you may incorporate them into your paper.

Draft your introduction paper, including your thesis, OR your thesis + one body paragraph (for the rhetorical analysis, obviously.) This will give me an opportunity to ensure you're understanding this writing genre and assignment and you an opportunity to some shaping and polishing before you even turn in the first draft. This works on all fronts IF you give me a bit of time to comment on them. I will comment on everyone's blog this week. Looking forward to seeing what you come up with!

Blog # 3 Rhetorical Analysis

Atricle
Targeting 'Slutty' Students
Jessica Valenti

To summarize, Jessica Valenti contemplated the whole dress code violation of certain high schools directed towards women. She deeply annotated her view of how the dress code violation should be. She took a real situation from New York's Stuyvesant High School and here, women would be criticized left and right about what they are wearing and why they shouldn't be wearing whatever they are wearing in a insulting manner from their principal. Students from this school felt the need to break the dress code violation whatever way they could purposely on planned days to hopefully make a change for everyone in you could say a strike way.

Characterization: If names aren't mentioned in a writing piece, then they aren't important to what the author's message is conveying. If a name is mentioned, then they are important and have an impact on the story. Here, Jessica mentioned students from Stuyvesant with their name and how they were insulted by the principal. This provides fact, and legitimate reasons for why the dress code violations need to change. Girls from this school are basically being called sluts for their choice of clothing wear when clearly they are not sluts. 

Description: It was clear that the author didn't want the audience to think that she is speaking out of her ass by providing real situations and accuracy. She did so, by adding quotes from students from what the principal had been telling them.

Diction: The author uses a strong choice of words to provide intelligence in the article so that readers will think that whoever is behind the writing is legit and has important things to say.

Imagery: "All I wore was a long-sleeved button-down, which was secured by a navy skirt and accompanied by floral cutout tights" Here you are able to visualize what the student had been wearing that day.

Logic: The author used real live situations from students who have been effected by insults from Stuyvesant's high school to provide legitimacy.

I chose this article because I am fresh out of high school and know what dress code violation is like. At Vista High School the dress code wasn't as strict as the high school mentioned in the story but I know what it is like to be criticized by something I am wearing. I will be able to provide examples from my previous experiences.