FEEDBACK FOR ANNA, DISCUSSION POST 3

Although the Maytag repairman campaign, (the lonely repairman) better known as the lonely repairman, may seem culturally trivial, it is in fact crucial in terms of today’s concerns over the dependability of a product., which is always a concern. [GOOD CHOICE; THIS DEFINITELY NEEDS TO BE CUT]The ideals associated with “Ol’ Lonely” (the name given to the Maytag repairman) give the consumer confidence in purchasing Maytag merchandise; ideals such as making dependable products and treating the consumers with respect. [WORKS MINUS THE SEMI-COLON; USE A COMMA] The more recent ads also hold a nostalgic feeling toward the company and its reputation for being dependable. The Lonely repairman campaign, then and now, allow the consumer to feel confident in their purchases as well as gives them the sense of belonging to an establishment that will not take advantage of them., which has always been very important. [YEP, THIS GOES WITHOUT SAYING, SO GOOD CUT]

The most prominent element in this ad is its use of a comical dramatization of what Maytag repairmen do when they are not repairing Maytag products- meaningless activities to keep themselves busy. This strategy allows the consumer to connect to the company by having them understand that Maytag is on their side and not looking to take advantage of them. [THIS STILL READS AWKWARDLY] The ad shows that the meaning from the ad is important The underlying meaning of the ad is illustrated as being important and also states that the ad and should be taken seriously, while the means of getting this message across to the consumer should be something fun and enjoyable  to watch the viewer [BEGINNING OF THIS SENTENCE IS BETTER, BUT ON THE WHOLE IT’S VAGUE].The least prominent element in this ad is its use of auditory imagery, [SEMI-COLON] while there is sound, it does not do much by way of helping make the point of the ad. If a person were to step away from the television set they would miss the premise of the ad. Although the use of auditory imagery is the least prominent element in the ad its use does not take away from the effectiveness the visual imagery brings. [BETTER HERE, BUT UNLESS YOU CAN SAY IT ACTUALLY DOES SOMETHING, CONSIDER CUTTING]


After doing this assignment I have realized that a lot of what I write can be omitted and I can also add sentences that explain what I am trying to say better. I also need to work on not having sentence fragments-completing my thoughts more thoroughly.

***IF I ADDED THE WORDS/PHRASES, THEY ARE IN YELLOW FONT. IF I CUT A WORD/PHRASE, IT’S HIGHLIGHTED IN GREEN. I ALWAYS COMMENT AFTER THE SENTENCE, NEVER BEFORE; THESE COMMENTS ARE IN BOLDED ORANGE. I HIGHLIGHT WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT IN WHITE. I KNOW IT TAKES A CLOSE EYE TO READ THE EDITS CORRECTLY, BUT IT’S A VERY USEFUL EXERCISE. NO FRAGMENTS HERE, BUT YOU DO NEED TO WORK ON SEMI-COLONS VERSUS COMMAS.

 

Discussion post 3

Although the Maytag repairman campaign, (the lonely repairman) better known as the lonely repairman, may seem culturally trivial, it is in fact crucial in terms of today’s concerns over the dependability of a product., which is always a concern. The ideals associated with “Ol’ Lonely” (the name given to the Maytag repairman) give the consumer confidence in purchasing Maytag merchandise; ideals such as making dependable products and treating the consumers with respect. The more recent ads also hold a nostalgic feeling toward the company and its reputation for being dependable. The Lonely repairman campaign, then and now, allow the consumer to feel confident in their purchases as well as gives them the sense of belonging to an establishment that will not take advantage of them., which has always been very important.


The most prominent element in this ad is its use of a comical dramatization of what Maytag repairmen do when they are not repairing Maytag products- meaningless activities to keep themselves busy. This allows the consumer to connect to the company by having them understand that Maytag is on their side and not looking to take advantage of them. The ad shows that the meaning from the ad is important The underlying meaning of the ad is illustrated as being important and also states that the ad and should be taken seriously, while the means of getting this message across to the consumer should be something fun and enjoyable  to watch the viewer.The least prominent element in this ad is its use of auditory imagery, while there is sound, it does not do much by way of helping make the point of the ad. If a person were to step away from the television set they would miss the premise of the ad. Although the use of auditory imagery is the least prominent element in the ad its use does not take away from the effectiveness the visual imagery brings.


After doing this assignment I have realized that a lot of what I write can be omitted and I can also add sentences that explain what I am trying to say better. I also need to work on not having sentence fragments-completing my thoughts more thoroughly.

Discussion post #3

Coca-Cola’s advertising campaign is a historical part of American history. Coca-Cola was developed in 1886 by a pharmacist named John Smith Pumberton.  Soon after that Coca-Cola began its journey into the brand it has become today.  It is one of the world’s most recognizable products with sales in over two hundred countries. Coca cola is not only seen as a product, but a device linking generations together throughout the years. Coca-Cola sells you nostalgia, a promise of a more innocent tomorrow through its many forms of advertising. 

One of the very first advertisement strategies used by coca cola was the appeal to; the need for prominence. Many of the first advertisements used by coca cola in the early nineteen hundreds relied heavily on young innocent looking, and well-dressed women to see their product.  This first advertisement dawns Hilda Clark, a famous music hall performer! The first face of Coca-Cola was the famous music hall performer Hilda Clark.   This painting shows a predominately known figure at the time sitting next to a table.  As she is leaning against the table you notice to the left of her face a collectors plate displaying the famous Coca-Cola inscription font. The use of colors is very important in this ad, because it captures your attention with the dark red back-ground. Then with the use of white lettering the picture grabs your eye, and for a moment you aren’t sure if what you are looking at is a classical art piece or a Coca-Cola ad.  It’s interesting that so early on in coca colas advertising campaign this appeal to prominence was being used.  In many present day Coca-Cola advertisements you will notice this trend of young innocent looking women posing next to or with a coke can in hand.  It just goes to show you that it is one advertising approach that has been proven effective even over a century ago.

Doing this activity really allowed me to see that my biggest weakness is staying on topic, and making sure everything is linking to the thesis.  Also I could really use a grammar lesson or two! I tried my best to fix some errors, but I have forgotten a lot of the rules!  Another thing I noticed about my writing is my transitions can be a little choppy.

Orianna Akre

Post Discussion # 3

"Many successful writers blend academic, professional language with popular expressions and sayings."

In this passage mix academic and colloquial styles, the use of our everyday language and academics is a proper way to write academically in any discipline. The emphasis is on blending these two together to make writing for students more interesting. while writing using formal language in academics students also incorporate their own informal language in their writing. As the passage says, it makes the essay more enliven to read and easy to understand. And, also this vigor style needs to be used in wrtiting to keep it active academically.

"In this chapter, we want to show you how you can write effective academic arguments while holding on to some of your own voice."

This passage is from the introduction of the "Ain't So/ Is Not" chapter, and is about our own words and phrases also counts in wirting. Blending in with academic phrase and words which can make it easier to read and more relaxed. But, the informal language is to be used in an approriate manner and write more often in academic terms. The blend of academic and our everyday language then enlivens what we write and more interesting.


Paragraphs Edited:

During the 1970's most of Nike's advertisements were in print form, and Nike did not utilize athletes to endorse the brand at the time. Later, on October 1982 Nike's first televised advertisements and use of athletes to endorse the Nike brand in shoes had come to reality. Today, many of Nike's advertisements in shoes both print and televised are fascinating to consumers. Therefore, endorsing the Nike brand shoes by ahtletes and celebrities has been one of Nike advertiser's strategies since the 1980's to sell the Nike brand shoe. However, their main focus is to make advertisements more appealing to consumers need for aesthetic sensations, need for a role model, and need to achieve to sell the number one brand in shoes, Nike.


In conclusion, the Nike brand shoe will be very successful in any advertisement tactics apply by advertisers in advertising a new look in shoes in the near future. Recently, Nike Inc. had just released the new look in Nike's 2012 Air Jordan's shoes in the world market. And, from my own perspective of the shoes; Nike has done a tremendous task in designinng the new Air Jordan's. However, with this new Nike Air Jordan's in the world market and other styles in any category of shoes in the near future. Hopefully, the nike brand in oes will go all the way in the world of advertisement.




After completing my revision on these two paragraphs particularly word diction. I discover that I need to work on synonyms to add more vigorous style in my writing. I also need to use more formal diction and less on informal diction. Also, syntax and grammar is another problem. Transitional words and phrases also needs to be incorporated in my writing as well. 

Discussion Post #3!!!

“AIN’T SO / IS NOT”

“After all, learning these more rigorous forms of expression and developing a more intellectual self is a major reason for getting an education.”

                This passage is a conclusion to the discussion on how formal or informal to conduct one’s writing approach. In one instance, it is well-put for use of informal vocabulary, as is commonly accepted in the present day language. In another instance, it is important to use an intellectual vocabulary as to uphold the literature in sense of professionalism. The passage explains that it is best to find a happy medium between the two methods and practice this to the extent that it becomes second-nature. This way, the process becomes a learning experience geared towards enhancing the writer’s abilities, rather than another assignment of the same writing patterns.

“His decision, however, to go with the more adventuresome, colorful terms gives a liveliness to his writing that would have been lacking with the more conventional terms.”

                This passage demonstrates the significance of using an energetic tone in diction to illustrate the purpose of the text. Here, the explanation of this strategy is not focus on what is said – but instead, how it is said. Through several examples we can identify how one piece of literature is impressively stimulating over another simply by re-wording a phrase to include vibrant vocabulary. This passage is important because it reveals a clever means to transform a bland piece into an intriguing read.

EDITING

            Before Editing

In a 2011 advertisement produced by Y&R Paris on behalf of the toothpaste industry, the focus changes to emphasize Colgate products as mainstream accessories. This ad features four characters posing on a modeling set dressed in trendy fashion wear and appeals mostly to a lighter skinned audience of expression-driven consumers. The character’s heads have been replaced by recognizable everyday apparel, defining each with its own unique style. The center and largest character is equipped with a huge smiling mouth containing vibrant healthy teeth. This picture portrays the Colgate product to be that of its own distinguished elegance. The only print at the bottom right of the ad reads, “Make your smile your best accessory.” The effect of a reputable toothpaste brand is obviously presented to the audience as the boldest accessory among all others displayed.

     After Editing

In a 2011 advertisement produced by Y&R Paris, Colgate products are promoted as accessories. This ad features four characters on a modeling set in trendy fashion wear that appeal mostly to lighter skinned consumers. Their heads have been replaced by apparel items, defining each's own unique style. The center character has a huge smiling mouth containing vibrant healthy teeth. This portrays the Colgate product as a distinguished elegance. White print at the bottom of the ad reads, “Make your smile your best accessory.” A recognized toothpaste brand is presented to the audience as the boldest accessory among all.

     Before Editing

Many of the company’s early advertising efforts depict their spokesmen as everyday characters with respectable accomplishments. As in a 1923 example, the toothpaste is presented alongside a brief article about a fictional wrestling coach entitled,“To Be a Champion”. There is a young man pictured in two illustrations included with the ad. In one picture he shows skillful instruction over a pupil’s technique on the wrestling mat that controls an opponent as spectators view from a distance. This gives the audience an impression that the coach is knowledgeable in his expertise and highly capable in controlling an environment of ever-changing circumstances. In the next picture, the young wrestling coach is shown wearing a bathrobe and leaning over a sink presumably at his home washroom. He holds a toothbrush in his right hand resting against the sink, in his left hand held high near his chest is a small tube of Colgate toothpaste. This scene provides a sense of humanity about him and is intended to establish a common link between the man and the ad’s audience. The spokesman achieves respectable work in the wrestling arena, but personally he’s a normal fellow whose hygienic standards are as usual as the rest.

     After Editing

The company’s early ads depict their spokesmen as characters with respectable accomplishments. In a 1923 example, the toothpaste is presented by a brief article about a fictional wrestling coach entitled,“To Be a Champion”. In one picture the male coach shows skillful instruction over a pupil on the wrestling mat. This provides an impression that the coach is highly capable in controlling ever-changing circumstances. In another picture, the coach is wearing a bathrobe and leaning over a sink at his home. He holds a toothbrush in his right hand resting and in his left hand is a small tube of Colgate toothpaste. This emits a sense of humanity and is intended to establish a link between the man and the audience. The spokesman achieves respectable work in the arena, but he’s a fellow whose hygienic standards are as usual as they come.

DISCUSSION

During my editing, I realized that I may have perhaps been using too much informal language. The appeal to my audience from this style of writing suggests that perhaps it is not being taken as much of a factual essay as it is being perceived an opinion piece. This was not the purpose of my Advertising Analysis assignment. The analysis is to be as factual and informative as needed to provide solid evidence behind my arguments and findings concerning the course of Colegate toothpaste's marketing agendas. In my next draft, I will tweak the vocabulary so that my audience is less distracted by the figurative text and more attentive to the central idea.  

How effective was my editing? Feedback is greatly appreciated!

Discussion Post #3 (due Wed, 3/28)

This discussion will require you to look very closely at your writing at the sentence level. You’ll consider, for this exercise, word choice. As such, you’ll be editing a section of your ad analysis, focusing especially on word choice. What do you do?

First, read the chapter “Ain’t So, Is Not”, which is about the use of diction in academic writing.

Next, choose at least two passages that stand out to you and give you ideas/examples that you think will prove helpful to you as you revise for word choice. You should quote these examples and briefly discuss them.

Finally, cut and paste two paragraphs from the ad analysis that you submitted to me. Next, edit carefully for word choice (you should choose two initial paragraphs that you feel could use some improvement in diction. Correct any grammar errors and syntax errors; correct errors in diction if any are noted. Look carefully at your choices: where you could improve? Are you repeating the same word often? Writing in passive rather than active voice? Using blasé vocabulary that isn’t interesting, colorful, or sharp? Using words out of context? Relying on far too many “its”? Do you need to use some synonyms for words that are used correctly but not in a particularly competent way? etc.

Having completed the editing, discuss briefly what you identified by focusing only on word choice. I will do a sample of this post for you shortly.