Blog Post #5

I chose to write my opinion piece on an article published on November 6^th, 2013 on Huffingtonpost.com. In his article “The Reason Every Kid Should Talk Back to Their Parents”, author and Clinical Psychologist Kelly Flannagan discusses the conflict he faces as both a parent and a psychologist when it comes to the topic of his children saying “No”. According to Flannagan, “the inability to say "No" -- the inability to set personal boundaries -- is one of the most common, insidious causes of human suffering”.   Flannagan feels that if we do not learn to say “No” in the safety of our family environments, we will not learn to say “No” to others. If we do not say “No”, we “become a sponge for the feelings of everyone around us and we eventually become saturated by the needs of everyone else while our own hearts wilt and die.”

As for the conflict he feels on this topic, he states that “The parent in me feels like a failure because I'm not being respected. The parent in me gets angry because I feel out of control and I'm supposed to be "in charge." And the human in me feels just plain sad, because the morning just got a whole lot harder. But the psychologist in me is secretly thrilled he said, "No."”

I think that any parent would be able to relate to this article. This is a common issue that all parents face at some point. The likely objection to Flannagan’s point of view would be that encouraging our children to say “No” could cause them to lose respect for us and to think that they are in charge. Flannagan addresses this by stating: “Do children need to learn to set boundaries assertively rather than aggressively? Yes. Do they need to learn the art of compromise? Definitely. Do they need to learn to wisely choose moments of submission? Absolutely. But all of that learning begins with a "No."

I loved the examples that Flannagan provided regarding when he hopes that his children WILL say no. "When my son is offered a bunch of pills or my daughter is offered the backseat of a car, I want my kids to have had a lot of practice at saying "No." Someday, there will be more at stake than a bunch of Lego action figures and, by then, I want them to know their worth isn't jeopardized one iota when they don't give themselves away to everyone around them. I want them to know their voice matters. I want them to know they are they author of their own story."

Because the truth is, you can't truly say "Yes" until you can say "No." We need to know we have a choice in life. The freedom to say "No" is the very beginning of our ability to say "Yes." To ourselves. To life. And to love.”