Sentence Editing

Redundancy/Repetition:

1. The Author demonstrates her humorous tone by stating, "We don't need to read maps; we get our geography by an officious sounding person who lives in a little window in our dashboard".
2. (Author) persuades the reader that the movie is boarder line pornographic with (his/her) diction and clever quotes.
3. (Add in Author's last name) uses this quote to show that Henry enjoys his life in New York City.  
4. The author used that quote to prove us that it was Henry's choice to come play in New York. (I would take this sentence out since it directly relates to the previous sentence. However here would be my rendition if the author chose to keep it) Henry chose to go play in New York.

Passive Voice: 

1.  (The Author's name) raises a concerning point that we could be setting up our children for failure by raising them in a technology dependent world. 
2. Infidelity can ultimately ruin a couple's relationship.
3. Upon viewing some of the comments about "Targeting", the reader can assume that the age range produces and broader spectrum of moral standpoints.

Wordiness:

1. Is this the landslide effect that will deplete us to living like the technology dependent humans in "Pixar's WALL-E"?
2. The article "Breaking Dawn Part 1"--the fourth film of the Twilight franchise-- written by Andrew O'Hehir suggests (perhaps add in part of the authors position of the movie or something to that effect).
3. Infidelity is not just an affair, but the critical point when couples begin to fix their broken relationship.
4. Infidelity is not just an affair, but the critical point when couples begin to fix their broken relationship.

Sentence Editing

REDUNDANCY/REPETITION

1.    She argues that today’s technology is capable of so much.

2.     This is a well thought out persuasive spin of the film. The reader was persuaded to believe the movie borders on being pornographic.

3.     This shows that Henry is enjoying his life in New York.

4.     This proves that it was Henry’s choice to come play in New York.

PASSIVE VOICE

1.     In a recent blog enter the author argued whether or not we are raising our children in a world over saturated with technology.

2.    Some say that infidelity can ultimately ruin a relationship.

3.     There is a wide age group and an even wider opinion about “Targeting…”

 WORDINESS

1.     Or will we become dependent on technology that will have machines cater to our every need, like in Pixar’s “WALL-E”?

2.     Andrew O’Hehir wrote about “Breaking Dawn”.

3.     Infidelity is not just an affair but the point when couples begin to mend their broken relationship.

4.     Parents want their children to do whatever they are truly interested in.

Sentence Editing Blog 5

Redundancy/Repetition

1. “We don’t need to read maps; we get our geography by an officious sounding person who lives in a little window in our dashboard.” This demonstrates the sarcastic tone of the author, and helps her argument about the technology that common items carry.
2. The author tries to persuade the reader by stating that this movie is at the boards of pornography.
3. The author tells you that Henry enjoys life in New York city.
4. -quote- This tells us that it was Henry's choice to play in New York.

Passive Voice
1. In her blog for the Huffington Post, she argues if we are setting our children for failure by raising them with technology.
2. The counter argument says that infidelity can ruin a relationship as well.
3. By reading the comments it can be said that there is a wide range with the readers age and moral standpoints.

Wordiness
1. Are they the ones that will bring us to be like the humans in Pixar's Wall-E?
2. The article written by Andrew O’Hehir is about the film, “Breaking Dawn Part 1”.
3. This article is to bring couples together once more.
4. This choice is coming from parents who what their children to do what they are interested to. 

Words make my head hurt! (blog 5?)

REDUNDANCY/REPETITION
1. By stating “We don’t need to read maps; we get our geography by an officious sounding person who lives in a little window in our dashboard” she demonstrates a humorous tone that supports her belief that our houses and cars can function on their own.
2. The writer leads the reader to believe that the film is borderline porn
3. According to the author “insert quote”, Henry is enjoying his life in New York.
4. The author says “insert quote” which is proof that Henry wanted to play in New York.
PASSIVE VOICE
1. In her recent Huffington Post blog she argues that we are setting our children up for failure in this world of technology.
2. The counter-argument is that infidelity can ultimately ruin a relationship.
3. The difference in age and morals is shown by the comments readers made about “targeting”.
WORDINESS
1. If we stay on this path will we end up in a world dependent on technology like, “Pixar’s “WALL-E””?
2. Andrew O’ Hehir's article is on the fourth film in the Twilight Saga, “Breaking Dawn Part 1”.
3. Infidelity is not just an affair but a point where couples can start to mend the relationship.
4. These Parents choose to have their children learn in what they believe is a stress free environment.

i hope i did this right :/

Sentence Editing Blog

Redundancy/Repetition

1. Through use of humor, she argues that the technology in cars and houses make them capable of a lot.
2. By choice of diction and quotes, this is a well thought out piece that persuades the reader to believe that the film borders on pornography.
3. By using this quote, the author suggests that Henry is enjoying his life in New York.

2.       4. This quote proves Henry’s choice of going to New York to play.

PASSIVE VOICE

 1. Her recent blog entry in the Huffington Post raises a good argument on whether or not we set up our children for failure by raising them in a world over saturated with technology.

2. The counter-argument, or concession, states the possibility that infidelity ultimately ruins a relationship as well.

3. The comments that readship makes about “Targeting..” assume the range in age and a wider range of moral standpoints.

 WORDINESS

1. Or are they the pebble that initiates a landslide of being dependent on technology? Take Pixar’s “WALL-E” for example; where there is use of hover chairs and machines catering to our every need.

2. O’Hehir’s article is about the film, “Breaking Dawn: Part 1”.

3. Infidelity is held as not just an affair. It is held as the point at which couples begin to put the broken pieces of their relationship together and make it something whole.

4. This unconventional choice comes from the belief that parents want their children to pursue what they are interested in rather than being stressed from undue burdens.

Sentence Editing Blog #5

Redundancy:
1.With humorous quotes, the writer shows how technology gives us smart cars and houses capable of a lot.
2. The word choices in the article sways the reader to assume the film is pornographic.
3. From the quote, we know that Henry is enjoying his life in New York.
4. Henry chooses to come play in New York.
Passive Voice:
1. The writer argues, are we setting up our childern to fail in a world filled with technology, in a recent blog in the "Huffington Post".
2. The counter-argument is that infidelity can ruin a relationship as well.
3. Comments made on "Targeting" show that age has a wider range of moral standpoints.
Wordiness:
1. Our dependency on technology may one day have us relying on machines doing everything for us, like in "Pixars' WALL-E".
2. O'Hehirs' article is on the film, "Breaking Dawn Part1".
3. Infidelity is not just an affair, but the point in which couples begin to put the pieces together making the relationship whole.
4.Parents want their childern to do what really interest them and not be stressed.

How I party on a Friday night: Sentence Editing.

-REPETITION-

1.  X’s demonstrates her humorous tone by saying, “We don’t need to read maps; we get our geography by an officious sounding person who lives in a little window in our dashboard.” This implies that our cars have minds of their own.

2.    Direct quotes from the makers/director/whoever of the film persuade that “*MOVIE TITLE*” walks a thin line between pornography and a PG13 movie.

3.    X quotes this/uses this quote to show that Henry is enjoying his life in New York.

4.    –INSERTQUOTEHERE- proves that it was Henry’s choice to come to New York.

-PASSIVE VOICE-

1.    X argues that we are setting up our children for failure by raising them in a world dependent on technology in her recent Huffington Post article.

2.    This concession states that infidelity can ruin a relationship as well.

3.    The comments on “Targeting” show that the range of reader’s ages brings an even more broad range of moral standpoints.

-WORDINESS-

1.    If we follow down this path will it one day lead us into a technology dependent world like in Pixar’s “WALL-E”?

2.    Andrew O’Hehir writes about the fourth film of the Twilight Saga, “Breaking Dawn”.

3.    X holds infidelity as not only having an affair, but as a point of realization for couples to repair their relationship.  

4.    Parents make this unconventional choice because they want their children to pursue their dreams- without the stress of traditional schooling. *assuming this is the homeschooling article