Saturday, November 3, 2012

Sentence Editing Blog

Redundancy/Repetition

1. Through use of humor, she argues that the technology in cars and houses make them capable of a lot.
2. By choice of diction and quotes, this is a well thought out piece that persuades the reader to believe that the film borders on pornography.
3. By using this quote, the author suggests that Henry is enjoying his life in New York.
2.       4. This quote proves Henry’s choice of going to New York to play.


PASSIVE VOICE
 1. Her recent blog entry in the Huffington Post raises a good argument on whether or not we set up our children for failure by raising them in a world over saturated with technology.
2. The counter-argument, or concession, states the possibility that infidelity ultimately ruins a relationship as well.
3. The comments that readship makes about “Targeting..” assume the range in age and a wider range of moral standpoints.


 WORDINESS
1. Or are they the pebble that initiates a landslide of being dependent on technology? Take Pixar’s “WALL-E” for example; where there is use of hover chairs and machines catering to our every need.
2. O’Hehir’s article is about the film, “Breaking Dawn: Part 1”.
3. Infidelity is held as not just an affair. It is held as the point at which couples begin to put the broken pieces of their relationship together and make it something whole.
4. This unconventional choice comes from the belief that parents want their children to pursue what they are interested in rather than being stressed from undue burdens.

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