Sentence Editing Blog #5

Redundancy/Repetition 1. The authors statement "We don't need to read maps; we get our geography by an officious sounding person who lives in a little window in our dashboard", uses a humorous tone to exemplify how technology is capable of a lot. 2. This piece persuades the reader that the movie borders on being pornographic. 3. The quote shows that Henry is enjoying his life in New York City. 4. The quote proves that it was Henry's choice to come to New York. Passive Voice 1. She raised a good argument in a recent blog entry of her's for the Huffington Post on whether we are or are not setting up our children for failure by raising them in a world over saturated with technology. 2. The counter-argument, or concession, provides the possibility that infidelity can ultimately ruin a relationship as well. 3. The comments on "Targeting" show the diverse range of ages and moral standpoints of the readers. Wordiness 1. Or are they a catalyst to technological dependancy, like the character's in Pixar's "Wall-E"? 2. The article written by Andrew O'Hehir is about the fourth film in the Twilight Saga, "Breaking Dan Part 1". 3. In this article paints infidelity as the point at which couples begin to mend their relationship, rather than just an affair. 4. Parents make these unconventional choices because they do not want their children to be stressed out by undue burden instead of pursuing their own interests.