Saturday, November 3, 2012

Sentence Editing



REDUNDANCY/REPETITION

1.    She argues that today’s technology is capable of so much.
2.     This is a well thought out persuasive spin of the film. The reader was persuaded to believe the movie borders on being pornographic.
3.     This shows that Henry is enjoying his life in New York.
4.     This proves that it was Henry’s choice to come play in New York.

PASSIVE VOICE
1.     In a recent blog enter the author argued whether or not we are raising our children in a world over saturated with technology.
2.    Some say that infidelity can ultimately ruin a relationship.
3.     There is a wide age group and an even wider opinion about “Targeting…”

 WORDINESS
1.     Or will we become dependent on technology that will have machines cater to our every need, like in Pixar’s “WALL-E”?
2.     Andrew O’Hehir wrote about “Breaking Dawn”.
3.     Infidelity is not just an affair but the point when couples begin to mend their broken relationship.
4.     Parents want their children to do whatever they are truly interested in.

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