Maryssa Harris
Amy Bolaski
English 100
October 10, 2013
1.http://www.techspot.com/news/54304-microsoft-is-looking-to-replace-the-aging-third-party-cookie.html
2. I choose this review because I want to write my on a electronic so I started
looking for articles and I came across “Microsoft is looking to replace the
aging the third- party cookies”. Now before I read I thought understood what
cookies were exactly, but now after reading they are a tracking everything we
do and loading our computers up with crazy stuff. Here is a sentence from the
article “Most internet users don’t exactly like third-party cookies. After all,
cookies track our online activity and allow advertisers to bombard us with
targeted ads”. I really learned something and I feel like it sounds so crazy,
that I didn’t know cookies were doing all of this I knew they weren’t good. So I
really liked this article it is a very factual review.
3. With the new generation these day ages 13 to 30 our very consumed with a
everything in one mobile device. In January 9th, 2007 the San Francisco
met the new addition of technology the original iPhone. The late Steve jobs the
co-founder; jump started a smartphone revolution that has changed peoples
everyday life, literally everything in one now.
1 comment:
Hi Maryssa,
You write, " I want to write my on a electronic . . ." On an electronic . . . what? This is an adjective, not a noun, so not yet complete.
Good to hear that you learned something, absolutely, and I'm not surprised - the article is an informative piece - not a product review. What about this piece makes you think it's a review? I'm curious as I want to ensure you understand the difference between review and other genres before you finalize your draft. "Cookies" aren't a product - not a consumer good (a film, a show, an actual product you can purchase).
YOUR INTRO:
"With the new generation these day ages 13 to 30 our very consumed with a everything in one mobile device. In January 9th, 2007 the San Francisco met the new addition of technology the original iPhone. The late Steve jobs the co-founder; jump started a smartphone revolution that has changed peoples everyday life, literally everything in one now."
First sentence is confusing: "With the new generation these day ages 13 to 30 our very consumed with a everything in one mobile device." I know what you're going for, idea-wise, but it's convoluted. Try something simple like "Generation Y is consumed with obtaining an "everything-in-one device." (You are, after all, talking about Gen Y with this age group. You can also use the term "millenials" which references roughly the same group.)
This doesn't make sense: "In January 9th, 2007 the San Francisco met the new addition of technology the original iPhone." You'll want to proofread your posts just as you would a paper.
You mention the iPhone, which I take to be your "product", but you don't say which version. This is important; reviews of phones are always based on the most recent update of the phone (or the most recent update of any technology), so if you want to do the iPhone, you'll need to do the 5. Hope this helps.
A
Post a Comment