Ian
Hadder
Amy
Bolaski
English
100
9/10/2013
Old Habits Die Hard
The only constant in life is change.
This is because evolution is a necessity for anything to thrive. Not just on the biological level,
this idea is applicable to everything, not excluding social institutions such
as the education system. Using writing strategies such as allusion, diction,
logos, punctuation and counter examples as vessels, Peter Gray points out irrefutable
flaws in America's current educational system. Gray show cases the uncomfortable realization of how America's education system's history
and established core principles are just short of the least effective
environment to promote learning.
2 comments:
"The only constant in life is change" -- true. But also a large cliche. You want to avoid cliches anywhere in your writing, but the first sentence is the biggest offender. I'd use your second sentence as your first.
The thesis is working well - very clear aside from "counter examples as vessels". Not sure what this means.
This sentence is somewhat convoluted: "Gray show cases the uncomfortable realization of how America's education system's history and established core principles are just short of the least effective environment to promote learning."
First: whose "uncomfortable realization" are we supposed to pinpoint here? His own? The nation's? etc.
The sentence works technically, but I find it required several readings. I think this is largely because you're saying a whole lot here, and dealing with large-scale, complex issues. Consider revising, splitting in two, etc.
This is coming along well, Ian.
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